She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
