Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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