party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
