I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
