I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
