it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize