Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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