mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
