I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
