Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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