Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
