i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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