Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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