Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize