Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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