There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
