Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I need to stop coming to work sober
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
