Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
