I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i believe in u and ur pee
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
