Tell her she can't have a vagina
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
