it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
