Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
