the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
