Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
