that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
