glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my being single is dangerous.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
