after a month anything with tits is on the radar
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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