just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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