the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
