did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
