all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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