how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
