I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My feet surprised me
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
