people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think my nap took me to another dimension
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
