ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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