piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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