Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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