Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
