please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
