fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Congratulations! We have a period
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
