I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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