So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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