Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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