we're blogging at a bar
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
