I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
