We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
