God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
