I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
