and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm just crazy horny about you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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