I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
