your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
