are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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