Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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