When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
