like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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