I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
