Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this is an emotional support booty call
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
