y did u give ur computer a hand job?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
