I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
