Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
