phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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