In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I had to cum in my sink.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
