there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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