If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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