My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
