one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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