i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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